I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
