MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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