they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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