I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Mom said you looked used
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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