just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
