"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
