what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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