This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
