New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
