Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So squirting runs in the family.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
