Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
