he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
