you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
