in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
