so that wasnt chicken after all
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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