I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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