Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
