Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
