Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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