I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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