I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
