So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Girls should come with a carfax report
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
