The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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