did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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