I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
