Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
