So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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