so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
