Banned from zoo.
Again?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
