is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
