i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
