Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Woke up backwards on a recliner
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
