Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
