6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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