I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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