yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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