did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
