i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
