oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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