why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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