Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
God, I missed his penis.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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