Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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