i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
