Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
