dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
