he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
