Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
