I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
