If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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