Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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