He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This baby is an asshole
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
