one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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