I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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