God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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