the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
