Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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