Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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