Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
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