i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
