ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
