guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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