I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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