You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
