So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize