the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
