I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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