Pappa wants mamma naked
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just want to make out with him forever
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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