margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
