bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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